Pretty Much My Most Favorite of All Time in the History of Ever

I was good with friends with benefits until he started saying he's falling in love with me and that he loves me and that he should be with me and all this crap.

Damn, I know I'm a smart girl, but f*ck, he says it enough, it gets into your head and you want to believe it so bad, cause he's an awesome person and it would be great to have it all.  So you end up believing it.


I feel like if we're friends, he didn't need to kick game and say all that shit. You know?


Just benefits and hanging out. 

You start adding all these extra things, you're screwing with people heads. You can't expect them to be okay when they see another chick all over you.
There's just something about this girl I do not like.  So as long as he's with her it's going to be hard. I don't care about the other ones. There's just something about this one.  I don't trust her and as his friend I care for his feelings and health for that matter and think he should watch himself.  I just guess I will listen to him and let him learn.

The whole situation could have been different.  Granted, I'd still be jealous, but not as hurt as I was/am

Can I just be friends with him? 
Absolutely. I can. It's going to take time.  I'm going to have to get used to not being treated the same and not hearing these "lies?"

I want him to apologize to me for telling me he's falling in love with me and telling me that he'd be happy to be with me and that he loves me.


And I want him to own up and say he knew I was bothered and thats why he asked for a kiss and that he's sorry for the whole time we were in Philly.


Just want him to take back all that love sh*t

Both of us were wrong, and it sucks that things are different now.

Hopefully, in time, it will be okay.

I still love him, care deeply for him, and he's still a great friend.

I wish him the best. 

Love Undiminished by Adversity

"Because of your regret and pity for my suffering, never again shall the dogwood tree grow large enough to be used as a cross. Henceforth it shall be slender and bent and twisted and its blossoms shall be in the form of a cross, two long and two short petals. In the center of the outer edge of each petal there will be nail prints, brown with rust and stained with red, and in the middle of the flower will be a crown of thorns, and all who see it will remember ..."
http://www.promiseofgod.com/dogwood/

To Tattoo or Not Tattoo

I've been contemplating for some time now whether I should bite the bullet and mark myself for life with a tattoo.  Being a Libra, I'm quite indecisive and I'm afraid that once I get the tattoo, I will want it off regardless of what it is.  Lately, with the loss of my uncle and the fact that no one else is getting any younger, I've been putting more thought into creating the perfect mark.

I want something with meaning and I've always said that I'd like to have a flower or tree as a reminder of my grandparents and/or initials in an intricate way for family members or my children, if I even have children(that's a whole other chapter).   Listen to me, its sounds as if my grandparents are already gone. Shame on me. They aren't, I'm extremely blessed to have both sets of grandparents still.  I just like to be prepared. :)

When I was a little one, I spent a lot of my time with my moms parents (Grampy and Meme) participating in their favorite past time. They are avid gardeners.  Which has been passed down the line to their children and grandchildren.  We would spend time weeding the garden, planting in planters, replanting/repotting favorite flowers and bushes to create a picture perfect garden. I remember one spring my grandparents gave my mom and dad two Dogwood trees to plant in our front yard.  Together we named one of them Grampy and the other Meme so they'd always be close. It seems only right that the Dogwood Flower be the base of my tattoo.

Also, as I was looking into the meaning of the Dogwood Flower, one resource explained the meaning as 'love undiminished by adversity' if that isn't appropriate based on past relationships, I don't know what else could be.

Now, only if I could create the rest of the tattoo and find the cojones to committ to something so permanent.

Advice and ideas welcome :)